


Still a slave to these dreams

by Sunnycat_666



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Angst, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'll add more tags when I think of some, Lilith has bpd, Lilith has ptsd, Lilith needs a hug, Lilith seriously needs therapy, Nightmares, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm, Sibling Bonding, Sister-Sister Relationship, don't get your hopes up, everyone just tries to help, maybe a little Lumity if I feel like it, they're just a little similar, this has nothing to do with my last one shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28748046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunnycat_666/pseuds/Sunnycat_666
Summary: Lilith is living in the Owl House, all she wants is to be under a roof, and to forget him
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Eda Clawthorne & Lilith Clawthorne, Emperor Belos & Lilith Clawthorne, Lilith Clawthorne & King, Lilith Clawthorne & Luz Noceda, Lilith Clawthorne/Original Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	1. Intro

_ Silence. That's all she wanted. _

_ Lilith knelt before the Emperor, awaiting his response. It was not a kind one. He shouted, screamed at her, called her every word in the book. All she could hear were a few words, only the ones that cut deep. But she still knew all that he was saying. She had already lived through this, she knows how it ends. It was just the same routine, she comes back without her sister, the Emperor shouts at her, then he gives her the real punishment. The whole time he just reminds her of how much of a failure she is _

_ That's what she is, a failure. _

_ She wanted it to be quiet and for it all to be over. That's all she wanted, silence. _

_ The Emperor got up from his throne and walked towards her slowly. Once he reached her, he held her chin up to meet his gaze, much to her discomfort. She always hated eye contact and he knew it. For the first time, she heard his venom laced words clearly. _

**_"I know_ ** **_what punishment might work this time"_ **

Lilith jolted awake, her face wet with her own sweat and tears. She sat up on the worn out couch and looked around, making sure she really was just dreaming. She thought about her nightmare – no, memory – and began to stare off into space, remembering what was supposed to happen next.

_ "That was quite amusing, Lilith. Maybe we should do it again one day. How about this: the next time you fail to bring back the owl lady, we can have another session like this, except every time, your punishment will only get worse." _

Lilith cried for several minutes that night until she went unconscious.


	2. Silence

Lilith woke up the next morning feeling drained. She had only been staying at the owl house for a day and her nightmares were getting worse and she didn't know what to do anymore. She might ask Eda, if she didn't hate her enough to let her keep suffering. She thought about it until she remembered why exactly her sister hated her in the first place. The remorse of her actions had such a weight that at this point, she was willing to accept any punishment thrown at her. Even if it meant the most unforgivable hex…

She heard the sound of rapid footsteps approaching from the top of the stairs. The human's voice could be heard from behind her, talking to someone, probably herself. Lilith turned to see Eda's pet human talking to her…what is that, a scroll for humans?

"Good morning, huma– I mean– wait, what is your name again?" Lilith asked her. 

"Luz," the human answered, looking up. "Luz Noceda." 

"Oh well, good morning Luz," she forced a smile and waved. Instead of responding, Luz just looked down at her human scroll and continued talking to it. 

"That was just Lilith, Eda's sister. She's crashing on our couch until uuuuuuuhhhhh… hey Lilith, how long are you staying here?" The idea that Luz wanted her to leave as soon as possible was a hurtful thought for Lilith, but then the voice in the back of her head kept repeating the same words in her mind.

_ Don't act like the victim here, this is what you fucking get. _

"I'm not sure yet," Lilith answered. Luz looked back at her scroll. 

"Well, there's your answer. It's been nice making this video and I'll try to make more in the future, te amo, Mami, can't wait to see you again." 

_ Mommy? _

"Are you talking to your mother?" The woman asked. Luz turned to look at her, appearing either hesitant whether or not to reply or not knowing what to answer. 

"I hope," she responded with a sad look. "I've been sending these to her, but so far I haven't gotten a response. It's probably because the only way to the human world was destroyed and, well you get the idea." 

Lilith wanted to comfort the girl, but that voice kept going on.

_Don't you fucking dare you know you'll screw this up._

She stood up from the couch to fix herself breakfast and sat back down right after.

Eda walked in yawning and lazily moving down the stairs. Lilith heard but didn't want to look into her eyes. Luz rushed over to her mentor and they tightly wrapped their arms around each other, whatever that gesture was supposed to mean. 

"Morning Luz, did you sleep well?" She asked.

"Yup!"

Lilith accidentally dropped her spoon, which fell onto the hard floor, making a loud clattering noise. There was an awkward silence for a moment as Lilith felt eyes on her. She didn't want to look over at them, knowing she'd only feel more guilty about all this.

"Morning Lily," Eda said flatly with the smallest hint of genuine care. 

"Good morning Edalyn," Lilith responded, picking up her spoon and wiping it on her nightgown. The others continued with their conversation.

The small demon came running down the stairs to join them. The three of them talked while Lilith ate silently on the couch. Luz ran back up to her room to get ready for school, Eda slumped next to Lilith on the couch and the demon curled up between the two of them.

"So," Eda started. "Did you sleep well last night?"

Lilith remembered her nightmare and started to stare off into space.

**_…your punishment will only get worse._ **

"If you're having a flashback, then you know I can't see it, right?"

Lilith jumped out of her trance and looked over at her sister. 

"Very well actually, I slept very well!"

Eda raised an eyebrow. "Why are you lying?" She asked. Lilith didn't answer. She just released a sigh and continued eating. 

"Hey I got an idea," Eda proposed. "I'm kinda almost out of elixirs from what happened the other day, so what if you and I went out to get more?"

Lilith hesitantly glanced over at her sister. "I, uh… sure."

…

The two women walked through town, Eda wearing her usual cloak and Lilith in more casual attire, black turtleneck sweater and dark grey jeans, with her hair tied in a low bun and a huge sun hat on. 

"This is the one," Eda declared, walking up to a stand. "Hey kid guess what? Not only am I better, I got a little friend with me." She pulled Lilith closer to her. 

_ Friend? _

"Yeah, my sister over here decided to finally do something about my curse herself, but now she's cursed too. Think you could double the amount today?"

"Awww that's sweet," the boy behind the counter exclaimed. "She sounds like a great sister." 

_ Liar. _

As Eda and the boy discussed, Lilith looked over to see a poster on the wall of a nearby building. It read, "Join the Emperor's Coven today!" With Belos's mask plastered on it.

_ "Lilith…" the deep voice echoed.  _

_ Lilith could feel her ears ringing.  _

_ "Lilith…" the voice grew louder.  _

_ she just wanted silence. _

_ "Lilith…?"  _

_ She hates it _

_ "Lilith?" _

_ She despises it _

_ "Lilith!? _

_ She just wants to stop _

_ "Lilith, you dare ignore me!?" _

_ She just wants everything to stop _

"LILITH!"

Lilith turned to her sister standing next to her with two huge bags most likely full of elixirs. "You ok, sis?"

Lilith realized where she was and what was going on. "Yes I'm doing perfectly fine," she responded with a forced smile. Eda gave her a look that basically said 'bitch, no the fuck you ain't but this isn't really my business, now is it?'

"Just help me carry these back to the house. We should be going anyway, people are starting to recognize you," she finally said, handing Lilith a bag. She obliged.

The two sisters walked home to be greeted by the demon pet and whatever the owl tube on the house was supposed to be. Well, Eda was at least. Lilith decided to stay outside by the beach. The sight was breathtakingly beautiful. She sat down on the soft sand and stared out over the horizon. She thought about how she and her sister would come down to visit the beach (in a different area) as kids to practice their magic or just mess around and play in the sand.

That's when the thought dawned on her. She was living with her sister again, and this time she was different. She will eventually find out about the one thing that's been bothering her for almost 20 years and has only gotten worse every day. It would become much easier to see. 

And she knew Eda just might hat her even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything to say atm, I'm tired


	3. I worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith notices something is up and tries to talk to Luz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some body horror

Lilith sat on the beach for hours. She didn't know exactly how long, but she didn't come in until several minutes after Luz got home. All she did was sit and stare at the horizon, thinking to herself. Would Eda find out? How would she react? Would she be compassionate? She wished. Would she hate her more? Most likely. All these questions that haunted her, and she thought so hard about them that she didn't hear her sister calling her.

"Lilith?" 

Lilith turned to the house left of her and saw Eda stepping halfway through the door.

"Lilith, are you ok? You've been sitting out there almost the whole day." Eda remarks, stepping out of the house and walking to her.

"I'm fine, Edalyn. I just have a lot on my mind." Lilith answers, looking back at the boiling sea. Eda sits down next to her. 

"Is this about what happened in town this morning?" Eda asks with a condescending tone, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. Lilith almost jumped at the question.

"What? No, of course not! I told you I'm doing fine!" Eda blinked and continued to stare at her like she was the dumbest creature she's ever discovered.

"I was just a little tired is all, I promise…" Lilith continued.

"So you admit it?" Eda asked, sounding more like she was making a statement than a question. "You admit that you didn't sleep well last night?" 

There was a long pause before Lilith let out a sigh and answered her. "Alright fine, I had a nightmare last night. That's all that happened," she admitted.

Eda stood up and brushed the sand off the back of her dress. "Ok, that's all I needed to know," she stated walking back to the house.

Lilith looked at her oddly. "Wait, so that's it?" She asked. "That's all you wanted?"

"Yup," the younger witch simply responded. 

"So you don't want to know what it's about or anything?"

"Lily, I couldn't give half a fuck whatever weird shit you dream about. what goes on in your head in none of my business."

Lilith just blinked, feeling almost relieved. She was about to relax herself again as she heard ascending footsteps until she also heard her sister's voice again.

"Oh right I forgot why I came here." She grabbed her older sister's arm and pulled her back into the house. Lilith didn't say a word and took one last look at the horizon before the door was shut behind her. 

Luz sat on the tattered couch looking down to her lap. Lilith was sitting next to her wanting to say something the voice kept repeating itself in her head.

**_Don't fuck this up don't fuck this up don't fuck this up don't fuck this up don't fuck this up don't-_ **

"So how was school?" She said without thinking. 

**_Fuck._ **

"It was fine," the teen responded sadly. 

"Did something happen today?" The woman asked.

**_FUCK._ **

"You mean like something bad? Not really" Luz answered.

**_Ok, now stop talking._ **

"Are you sure? You look like you didn't have a good day."

**_Shut up…_ **

"Lilith, I promise it's fine, nothing bad happened, I'm just a little anxious is all."

**_Don't you fucking dare._ **

"Luz, if you want to talk about it, I'm here fo-"

**_WHY CANT YOU JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT BEFORE YOU RUIN EVERYTHING?!_ **

Lilith stopped herself mid-sentence and turned away. There was a pause before Luz finally spoke. 

"Thanks for trying to help though." She stood up and climbed the stairs to her room.

She botched it. This could have been her chance to reconcile with her sister's apprentice and she botched it. Eh, wasn't too out of the ordinary. Not like there's anything else she's capable of. Lilith didn't know what else to do. All she did was sit and stare at nothing.

_ The Emperor gave his orders as usual. It was the same thing every day, bring back the owl lady or you will suffer the same horrific punishment blah blah blah titan's will yadda yadda, It was just the same thing as usual… _

_Until the guard next to her made the smallest grunt. Lilith's heart skipped a beat and looked to the_ _guard one last time. She and everyone else in that room knew what would happen. Everyone knew about the things he did to anyone who would do anything to look out of place. Any stim, any fidget, any tick, anything that wouldn't line them up with the rest… oh titan pray for their soul._

_ Belos turned to the guard himself and with a single flick the wrist the poor soldier screamed in agony as he burned and melted in his place. Lilith didn't even look at him from then on. She couldn't bear it, knowing the same thing would happen to her one day. She knew it would. She knew that one day something in her will break and she'd start chewing on her hair or clapping her hands or wiggling her ears and instead of the weird looks she usually got as a child, she will get horrified glances from everyone around her and a melting face. _

_ Lilith looked to her left once the screaming had stopped to see a mess of ash and liquified flesh. _

"Hey Lilypad," Eda called from the kitchen. Lilith looked to her side. "You've been sitting there and staring at the door for the past hour. I recommend you stop before Hooty starts to think you have the hots for him."

Lilith couldn't help but chuckle at the statement. Eda forced a friendly smirk and laughed along.

"Ok but seriously, it's probably best if you stop that," Eda cautioned. Lilith smiled before looking in the other direction.

"You ok Lilith?" Eda asked. Lilith didn't turn around. "You really were staring at that door for over an hour."

"I'm fine," Lilith lied, maintaining her gaze away from Eda. "Again, I just had a hard time sleeping last night."

Eda sighed. "Ok then, could you go tell Luz it's dinner time?" She asked Lilith. Without saying a word, the older woman marched upstairs.

………

Lilith knocked on the door to the human girl's room. No response. She knocked again.

"Hum-" she stopped and cleared her throat "Luz, it's time to eat!" Again, no response. Lilith noticed the door was barely open and pushed it in to peek inside. Luz was sitting on her sleeping bag and looking at a framed memory of her and a woman that looked like she could be her mother. Lilith walked in quietly.

"Is that your mother?" She asked. Luz looked back up at her and nodded with a fake smile.

"She looks so kind," Lilith commented, sitting down. 

"She really is," Luz confirmed. There was a long pause before Luz spoke again, "I'll be honest with you, I'm not supposed to be here." The woman looked confusedly at the child.

"I'm supposed to still be in the human realm at a summer camp that's supposed to teach me boring stuff like how to pay taxes or something, I don't know," Luz stated.

"Is there a reason she sent you there?" Lilith asked.

"It was a punishment, and the longer I think about it, the more I think I deserve it…" Luz said sadly.

"You're a good child from what I've seen, I'm sure you didn't-"

"I released spiders and venomous snakes and tried to set off fireworks in my school."

"Ok maybe you did deserve it."

**_Lilith, what the absolute fuck._ **

Lilith started to panic a little, realizing what she just said.

**_This is what happens when you open your titan damn mouth, Lilith, all you do ruin things and hurt people._ **

Luz looked back at the picture. "Well, aside from that, she's still a great mom, there was this sandwich shop in our neighborhood that we always went to after school and just had a good time…" she trailed off. "Lilith, I…" she started to tear up. "I miss my mom…" that's when she broke.

Lilith rubbed the crying child's back before she threw her arms around the older woman and hugged her, much to Lilith's confusion. 

"I still don't know what this gesture is supposed to mean."

**_That's not how you respond, dumbass._ **

"I'll tell you later," the human answered between sobs.

Luz managed to calm herself down after a few minutes.

"Are you feeling better?" Lilith asked.

Luz responded, "A little."

"I'm sure your mother was amazing," Lilith assured.

"You'd be very right," the teen answered. "So I hope you don't mind me asking, but what exactly was your mom like?"

Lilith paused for a moment. "Let's just say Edalyn and I were more raised to be soldiers rather than we were people." Luz didn't know how to respond to that.

"Is there something else you came in here for? Other than to chat about our moms?" Luz jokingly asked. 

"Yes, actually," Lilith answered. "Edalyn wants you to come down for dinner."

Luz jumped up, bolted to the bathroom (supposedly to wash away any evidence that she had been crying), and back down to the kitchen.

"Hey Lilith! You gonna join us?" Luz's voice called. Lilith sighed satisfactorily and made her way down the steps.

**_Couldn't you have done at least a little better then that? All you did was talk about how nice her mom looks. She's still homesick. You didn't help her. How can you do that if all you do is destroy everything?_ **

Lilith wondered when that voice in her head will go away..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late I kinda forgot this book existed  
> Also gender dysphoria became a thing for me and was a bit of a problem but don't worry, it's all good now so don't ask about it

**Author's Note:**

> This is a remake of my last fanfic with the same title. I'm redoing it completely because I want this to focus on Lilith's life in the EC and her abusive relationship with Belos, rather than her childhood and her mom. Please don't read the old fic, it's embarrassing


End file.
